Why do I even bother?

Something has really been nagging at the back of my mind over the past couple of days. It's really troubling when I bring it to the forefront, and makes me feel completely hopeless and deflated.


Until Friday, I was a fan of Debbie Schlussel's blog. I like her brutally honest and insightful thoughts on the threat of Islamic terrorism and its pervasiveness in Western society. I know she is a self-advertised conservative Republican. I personally don't categorize myself on the political spectrum and I think saying someone is 100% liberal or 100% conservative is silly and pointless, because I believe we all take elements from both ideologies to form our opinions. But hey, I'm aware that we are all entitled to our opinions and I'm not here to bash anyone's political beliefs, so let's get back on topic, shall we?

Debbie rarely posts anything related to social issues in America, and it's just as well because many people get heated about certain ones. However, on Friday, she wrote a post about a recently published book called My Princess Boy, which is about a mom who learned to embrace her preschooler's love of princess costumes and pink tutus. Her post was scathing and derogatory, saying that "turning America's boys and men into pink-encrusted powder puffs" is just "the further defining of deviancy that continues to afflict and and destroy America." Christ, Debbie, tell us how you really feel!

I happen to completely disagree with her viewpoint on this. I decided to let her know that in my comment:

Debbie…normally I like your posts, but I completely and wholeheartedly disagree with your view on this issue.

The article isn’t saying that all boys should be princesses and start wearing tutus. It’s simply showing that if a little boy shows a preference for dressing up and doing stereotypically “girly” things, that he shouldn’t be ostracized and made to feel like there’s something deeply wrong or disturbing about him. It doesn’t mean that he’ll grow up to be a drag queen or even gay. It’s simply self-expression at a young age, and like all kids, they like something new every day.

In this day and age, typical gender roles are outdated and silly. Girls are free to play with trucks and dinosaurs and grow up to vote, have successful careers, and actually have a shot at being president. Why shouldn’t boys be allowed to like the color pink or to put on a dress during imaginative play? Seriously…what is the big freaking deal?

And I was swarmed by the ensuing comment backlash.

Some of the comments left me speechless. People were quick to label me as a bleeding-heart liberal and accuse me of contributing to the moral decay of American values. These were the nicer comments, by the way. Really? All because I disagree with Queen Debbie on this one social issue? I've also noticed that these same people can't form logical, coherent arguments to support their own viewpoints, whereas I'm already forming witty and poignant retorts in my head. Maybe I'm just smarter than they are. Or maybe I just stop and think rationally about what I'm saying and whether or not it makes any sense.

One of my bigger pet peeves here is that many people made the argument for God and the Bible being against gays and men dressing like women, so therefore we should all be, too. The term cop-out comes to mind. Saying that we should be or act a certain way because that's the way it's written in the Bible is simply one huge COP-OUT. Yes, folks. Nature gave us high-functioning brains and reasoning skills; whether it's from evolution or God is irrelevant--we all have the ability to think rationally and logically if we allow ourselves to do so. Willful ignorance and bigotry is not God's way; it's lazy and and a cop-out. You can think for yourself, you know. Try it once in a while.

DISCLAIMER: I don't think badly on anyone who believes in God and reads the Bible (I mean actually reads the Bible, not just skims through and picks out passages to suit their needs), but I do judge those who call themselves Christians and look down on anyone who doesn't see things in the same narrow way that they do. That isn't being a Christian. That's being a bigot, plain and simple. Jesus certainly did not preach ignorance and intolerance, but rather exactly the opposite. If you're going to call yourself a Christian, act like one. Christian ≠ bigot.

Now I'll drop the biggest bomb of all--the one that legitimately pissed me off. As if it's not bad enough that most of the above-mentioned commentors couldn't form logical arguments based in any kind of fact, but they went so far as to present their bigoted views on stereotypical gender roles, as well. Nothing gets me quite as worked up as someone insisting that a woman's 'natural' place is with the children or in the kitchen. GOOD GOD THAT MAKES ME ANGRY AND DISREGARD PUNCTUATION AND TYPE IN ALL CAPS AND KEYSMASH AODJISOFJLSWFJLGFHSG:SLKFP:SKF:LSJG:LDJG:D

Now that I've had a moment to recompose myself (because, as we all know, it's unbecoming of a woman to have outward displays of negative emotion, give me a break). Here are some of the more delightful excerpts:

1. The big deal is that no matriarchy has ever survived… and men who lack the requisite toughness simply won’t be able to deal with the bad guys out there. If you like the metrosexual Obama, that’s bad enough.
2. Those tutu wearing freaks gonna stand up and defend you when the wolves are at the door? Oh that is right, you women are gonna grab the guns, tanks, mortars, etc. and just teach all the other armies of the world how tough you are. Sure, sure. How many times DID you mother drop you on your head?
3. Those of you supporting this sound like LAZY parents who do not want to do their job or parents who resent having a male child when you wanted a female and are therefore just MAKING them a female for your OWN wants. Pathetic
4. Good news everyone, the bible tells us just what to do to guys who dress up in womens clothing, kill them. If it’s the word of god then you can’t ignore it.
5. I find it hilarious when women think that natural roles for men and women can be interchangeable. While women should be free to have careers, there’s no denying God’s/nature’s law that women are the predominant nurturers. Women can’t excel over men in forms of physicality, and men can’t excel over women when it comes to child rearing. There are specific roles to be fulfilled. Where is this child’s father? He should’ve been the first one to tell his mother to STFU and dress the boy as a BOY.

Let me dissect these one by one.

1. No matriarchy has ever survived? Have you ever taken a history class? Go on Wikipedia and look up the various Queens of England, Golda Meir, Cleopatra, etc. There are plenty of successful female leaders throughout history. Your first point is moot. Also, "men who lack the requisite toughness"...really? What exactly is the requisite toughness? Is there a scale of toughness that I'm unaware of? Those who fall short of the toughness cut-off are apparently just unable to fend off the "bad guys." Please. It's a bullshit statement and I'm throwing it out. Say something that actually makes sense next time. And, last but not least, let's mention the comment about Obama's alleged metrosexuality. WTF???
2. Let me get this straight. Putting on a tutu magically makes someone unable to fight. Thank you for clarifying this for me. I also can't believe he took a shot at the idea of women defending our country, and sank even lower with his patronizing "Sure, sure." He should have known that as a woman, I would find this deeply offensive and preposterous, and the fact that I disagree with him means that I was dropped on my head one too many times as a kid. Really.
3. What exactly is a parent's job? Please enlighten us all. If it's not to instill proper gender roles and stereotypes and make our children fearful/hateful of anything that doesn't neatly fall into one of two rigidly defined categories, then clearly we are failing. Also, where do you get off assuming that because someone allows their boy to play dress up with girls' clothing, then obviously that mother wanted to have a girl all along and is subconsciously trying to fulfill that void. THANK YOU FOR THAT WONDERFUL ANALYSIS; NOW TAKE YOUR JUNK PSYCHOLOGY AND SHOVE IT.
4. Please see my above-mentioned pet peeves and disclaimer.
5. This one really got under my skin. In our 'highly advanced' and 'progressive' society, these stone-age beliefs still, sadly, prevail. "Women can't excel over men in forms of physicality" is completely untrue. I've seen plenty of fit, toned, muscular women at the gym who without a doubt could kick your average male couch potato's ass. Many women are stronger and more physically adept than many men. For him to state that women are limited in physical strength and ability compared to men (because...they have vaginas?) is a baseless and false argument. His next point also disgusts me: "...and men can't excel over women when it comes to child rearing." Am I just supposed to assume that men have no clue about raising children? Please. I've known well-adjusted, successful individuals who were raised exclusively by their fathers. Just because it's not the norm doesn't mean that men can't do it. Your arguments are based in nothing but baseless assumptions.

There is one particular comment that I feel needs to be presented separately from my list. This is it:

To this day, I bristle with macho resentment each time I walk into a mens’ lavatory and see one of those ****ing folding diaper stations. Worse yet is seeing the damn thing in use!

I was so appalled by this that I actually responded to this cretin. Debbie herself actually replied to my response with this response, which left me with my jaw literally hanging open as I read it:

There’s a difference between a man changing some diapers and changing all the diapers. There’s a difference between a man being a father and involved in taking care of his child and a man being the mother and being most in charge of taking care of his child. The latter is not masculine. It’s called being a mother. DS

.....Really, Debbie? Surely a woman as intelligent as you are can't possibly think that there are specific gender roles, too? You're really saying that it's emasculating for a man to be in charge of taking care of his child. My husband was genuinely offended by your comment. When I was pregnant, he and I had the child care talk. We were both in agreement that it made more financial sense for me to stay at home and raise Smash, because my entire earnings would have been cancelled out in paying a nanny. It was never an issue of "oh, I'm the woman, so it's my natural duty to raise my child." If I made more money than my husband, I would have been the one out working full-time and he would have stayed home full-time with Smash. I'm pretty disgusted that Debbie is taking a shot at stay-at-home dads using stone-age gender stereotypes, going so far as to say that these men are not even masculine; they're being mothers.

It was then that I decided I can't support her and her blog anymore knowing she feels this way about men and women and mothers and fathers. I just can't.

Why do I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle? Why do I even bother?