Exhaustion

A lot of times, I feel like I'm setting myself up to fail. There just aren't enough hours in a day to please everyone in my life. My baby needs me 24/7 to be the center of his universe. My husband needs my affection, organizational skills, and ability to keep everything we've got to do in my head. My friends need my presence, company, and humor, and expect me to always find time for them while carefully planning around Smash's naps, feedings, bedtime, etc. My parents need to see their grandson and to insist that I'm not feeding him enough. My mother-in-law needs regular updates on what's going on as well as monthly photo collections of Smash (she lives out of state). My play group moms need my presence and willingness to contribute food, conversation, ideas, etc., to our play groups. All eight of my students need me to be on full alert and give them full, individualized attention during our reading lessons. On top of all that, I need to eat, sleep, bathe, check my email and facebook, go grocery shopping, keep the house clean, take out the garbage, keep up on laundry and dishes, pump enough breast milk for the week to give to Smash while I'm out tutoring, and make sure the cat has food, water, and a clean litterbox.

Are you out of breath after reading all that? I am. I'm going dizzy just thinking about it.

The worst part is that I feel this immense pressure to be able to carry on like this, day after day, week after week, month after month. I feel that it's what I have to do, otherwise my family and home will fall apart. To some, it might be empowering to know that they are the glue that holds their families together, but to me it's just stressful and I can't imagine how I can go on another day. Trying to get my husband to understand all this is a chore in itself. Sometimes, like now for instance, I feel like I'm just unraveling like cheap thread. Is that wrong of me? Surely we can't all be expected to be SuperMom 100% of the time?

It's 7:30 on a Saturday night, and all I want to do is crash out. But I can't until I pump first. Ugh.

P.S. Today is the birthday of one of my close friends, and once I post this entry it'll be my first chance today to call her and wish her a happy one. Honestly. That's how crazy my day has been! I'll have to drop my present off at her place tomorrow. I just can't do anything else tonight.